I went up to Manchester for the weekend, to get away from Cambridge and recharge my batteries at my 'other home'. Originally three of my friends were going to come with me, but two of them dropped out quite late and so only one was brave enough to put his life in my hands and risk the drive up to Manchester with me at the front wheel. I guess maybe I shouldn't have told them that I've never driven so far before and that I only got my licence at Christmas....
There's something about going back to Manchester that never fails to make my heart lift everytime I see the familiar buildings and when I know I'm nearly back. Manchester is still very much my home, having spent the first 18 years of my life living on the same street, within walking distance of the hospital I was born in, and close to my first school. Many of my friends still live in Manchester, and my friend from Cambridge was dragged around with me as I met up with friends and family (my parents are away, but several of my cousins have now located there).
However, part of me felt rather sad. There are so many memories attached to Manchester for me, both happy and sad. Parts of the city has changed a lot, but still recognisable, and at every corner images from the past flooded my memory. But I think Manchester will no longer be a big part of my future, because I don't feel strong enough to move on from the past if I were to stay there. So where to go next?
Although I'm torn between anticipating the future and fear as my ties are cut away, I know I'm very lucky. My friends in Cambridge have helped me learn to soar up and aim high, but my friends in Manchester keep me grounded and lend me their strength to keep going. And my family? My extended family are my safety net, because I know they will always catch me if I fall. And although I doubt that I'll go back to live in Manchester, at least I always know where to go to touch base.
2008年5月19日
Manga at Urbis
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I went to Manchester this weekend, and there was an exhibition on manga ^_^. So I thought I would just rub it in for Daniel (My project deadline is not so urgent, so I can find the time to go away, and to cap it, I have manga to look at. So :P)
Actually, the bits I loved most were the cute doodles that were decorating the wall spaces AROUND the main manga images. And there was a Darth Vader helmet with a Pikachu-like smiley face on the headpiece.
http://www.urbis.org.uk/page.asp?id=3225
Sorry Jon, I went without you. But I'll go again next time I'm in Manchester and your exams are over!! Yaku soku...
PS More blog on Manchester later.....
2008年5月5日
One of Jackson Pollock's works. Illustrates the state of my mind lately. My motivation levels have hit about minus ten million lately. That includes the lack of motivation for lab work, for keeping up with the latest literature for my field, for socialising with people, ringing up friends, cooking, eating, etc etc. I have about 5 or 6 drafts for blog topics on the go, only, I lack the motivation to finish writing them. And then I have to delete large chunks because the news references I've made are very out of date.
I even went to the Fitzwilliam museum to wander around the gallery and get some inspiration. Normally that never fails, especially if I then go back and do some sketching or painting. But for quite a long time now, the feeling of calm and control I draw from my art has eluded me.
However, it appears that my ability to complain and moan has not.
PS- no comments needed. The writer for this blog will recover shortly, probably after being given a big kick up the backside and a gag. In the meantime, the editors offer their sincere apologies for the extended lack of quality in the material currently on display. Hopefully abnormal transmission shall resume shortly.
2008年5月2日
Heartfelt
(image from www.nlm.nih.gov medical encyclopedia)Have you ever wondered why we can 'feel' with our hearts?
In a medical sense, surely our hearts are just organs, lumps of muscle that pump the blood, laden with waste carbon dioxide from the rest of the body, to our lungs, where the carbon dioxide is exchanged for life-giving oxygen and sent back to the heart, which pumps it back out to the other organs. It is a machine, an amazing feat of evolutional engineering, but with a clear and essential function.
Yet if this is all that a heart is, then why can we feel pain in our chests when we are sad, lightness there when we are glad?
Again, there is probably a medical explanation, the effects of chemicals synthesized in response to hormonal and neuronal signals in the brain, linking our emotional responses with physical symptoms. So this is how. But why? Fear, attraction, disgust, these are emotions that seem useful in terms of governing how we should react to situations, telling us what is safe and what is not. But why do we feel intense emotional pain, intense joy, intense love? And why in our hearts?
Or perhaps there is a psychological explanation. We are aware of the phrases 'heart-felt', 'heart-pain', 'heart-ease'. Maybe unconsciously we make a link between emotions and a physical presence for them in the cavity where the heart sits, and so our bodies and sensory centre respond accordingly? But the concept of the heart as a centre for emotion and feeling has appeared and reappeared in many different, separate, cultures over the course of millenia. Independently, different cultures have believed that the heart, not the brain, is the seat of our intelligence, and come to the conclusion that this is where our souls reside. The Aztecs cut out the hearts of human (and animal) sacrificial victims as offerings to the gods. Egyptians believed that our hearts would be the organ sitting in the balance at the judgement of the dead, and our sins would show up in the weight of our hearts. Different languages have different phrases that involve the heart.
And even before we were truly aware of the existing symbolism surrounding the heart, as children, did your heart really never 'sink into your boots' when you were disappointed, or have a 'heavy heart' when you were sad? I never truly believed before that you could really feel your heart break, or understood just how much pain you could feel in your heart.
Do you know why people who have kind and unsuspecting, giving, hearts seem to attract people? In this world of ours it seems almost easy to become cynical, to lose that ability to trust in someone else or something else. Barriers can be built around hearts, to protect them from attack and from injury. But hearts can atrophy, you can lose the ability to use them as more than just a mechanical pump. The shackles you build to protect your heart can feel heavy, and dull, as if they were truly weighing your heart down.
But having closed your heart, how do you learn to open it up again? Perhaps, if you have the answer, you could share it with me?
In a medical sense, surely our hearts are just organs, lumps of muscle that pump the blood, laden with waste carbon dioxide from the rest of the body, to our lungs, where the carbon dioxide is exchanged for life-giving oxygen and sent back to the heart, which pumps it back out to the other organs. It is a machine, an amazing feat of evolutional engineering, but with a clear and essential function.
Yet if this is all that a heart is, then why can we feel pain in our chests when we are sad, lightness there when we are glad?
Again, there is probably a medical explanation, the effects of chemicals synthesized in response to hormonal and neuronal signals in the brain, linking our emotional responses with physical symptoms. So this is how. But why? Fear, attraction, disgust, these are emotions that seem useful in terms of governing how we should react to situations, telling us what is safe and what is not. But why do we feel intense emotional pain, intense joy, intense love? And why in our hearts?
Or perhaps there is a psychological explanation. We are aware of the phrases 'heart-felt', 'heart-pain', 'heart-ease'. Maybe unconsciously we make a link between emotions and a physical presence for them in the cavity where the heart sits, and so our bodies and sensory centre respond accordingly? But the concept of the heart as a centre for emotion and feeling has appeared and reappeared in many different, separate, cultures over the course of millenia. Independently, different cultures have believed that the heart, not the brain, is the seat of our intelligence, and come to the conclusion that this is where our souls reside. The Aztecs cut out the hearts of human (and animal) sacrificial victims as offerings to the gods. Egyptians believed that our hearts would be the organ sitting in the balance at the judgement of the dead, and our sins would show up in the weight of our hearts. Different languages have different phrases that involve the heart.
And even before we were truly aware of the existing symbolism surrounding the heart, as children, did your heart really never 'sink into your boots' when you were disappointed, or have a 'heavy heart' when you were sad? I never truly believed before that you could really feel your heart break, or understood just how much pain you could feel in your heart.
Do you know why people who have kind and unsuspecting, giving, hearts seem to attract people? In this world of ours it seems almost easy to become cynical, to lose that ability to trust in someone else or something else. Barriers can be built around hearts, to protect them from attack and from injury. But hearts can atrophy, you can lose the ability to use them as more than just a mechanical pump. The shackles you build to protect your heart can feel heavy, and dull, as if they were truly weighing your heart down.
But having closed your heart, how do you learn to open it up again? Perhaps, if you have the answer, you could share it with me?
2008年5月1日
1st May elections
I nearly forgot to vote in the local elections today. I kept reminding myself that the elections were on the 1st May, but it was only after I got home after work that I remembered what it was I was supposed to do....
What annoys me most about the campaign tactics used is the amount of negative campaigning all the parties do. Instead of focusing on what they can actually achieve, the newsletters and flyers that come through my door are filled with why I SHOULDN'T vote for another party. For example, the Liberal Democrat flyer tells me that 'Labour and the Greens can't win' in Trumpington, whilst Labour tell me that there is 'disillusion' with the Lib Dem party. But they neglect to tell me why it is I should vote for THEM.
Actually, I have voted this year. If only because I believe that the UK political system is one of the fairest ones in the present world, and I am fortunate to know that my vote will be counted. It may not be a powerful or particularly influential voice, but it still has its part to play.
What annoys me most about the campaign tactics used is the amount of negative campaigning all the parties do. Instead of focusing on what they can actually achieve, the newsletters and flyers that come through my door are filled with why I SHOULDN'T vote for another party. For example, the Liberal Democrat flyer tells me that 'Labour and the Greens can't win' in Trumpington, whilst Labour tell me that there is 'disillusion' with the Lib Dem party. But they neglect to tell me why it is I should vote for THEM.
Actually, I have voted this year. If only because I believe that the UK political system is one of the fairest ones in the present world, and I am fortunate to know that my vote will be counted. It may not be a powerful or particularly influential voice, but it still has its part to play.
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