Anyone still here?

It's been a busy year, 2011, with an awful lot going on at work, some good and some not so good. Visits to friends and keeping in touch with both friends and family have been slotted in where I can, but my poor blog has suffered greatly, especially since I STILL don't have internet at home (and never will unless I move elsewhere I suspect) and I'm now too lazy to go to work to update it at the weekends.

However, after this list of excuses, which apparently labels me unmistakingly as Typically British, I will try and remedy my neglect of this webspace and resume usual sporadic service. Fittingly, it is just over a year since my last post, a similar period of time to the maximum available period of maternity leave. Although I most definitely have not been gestating or been pregnant, in interests of equal rights, if people get time off to have babies, there should be special circumstances under which childless people can take a corresponding time off, non? Something to discuss over the dinner table perhaps, if you run out of other contentious topics to explore, such as the Euro, homelessness, benefits, the NHS, politics and religion.

So that was my non-maternity leave. I will continue to bore you with the tears, tantrums and teething problems that crop up in my life. Discussions around baby food, nurseries and schools and the latest baby pushchair models are optional.

Snakes on a plane

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-11203270

Herbal highs (for 6-legged creatures)

The lavender bushes in front of my institute are like opium dens for insects. It’s quite fun watching the big fat bumble-bees lumber between flower heads (or inflorescences if you’re being pedantic). There are usually quite a little herd of them grazing and looking rather comical as they perch on flowers that aren’t much bigger than they are.

The great thing about working in an agricultural research institute is that someone always knows exactly what flower/fern/insect you’re looking at. When I was taking these photos on Sunday, someone appeared behind me and mentioned that this was a Common Blue butterfly. There were also some Cabbage Whites (these, I knew the name of) but they fluttered too much for me to get a camera shot.

I saw some winged ants on my way home, but they weren’t so pretty and my photos of them crawling over the grey concrete pavement didn’t come out so well. But it's a good job I heeded their warning and brought my umbrella out today.

Assassins

People lurking in doorways, stalking their target on the streets, their weapon hidden in the folds of their clothes. You don't know who might be out to get you, but meanwhile, someone else has your photo in a manila envelope, trying to get you first. It might be at work, when you walk out of your door, as you buy your lunch, but there are rules. You are safe on public transport and in train stations.

Am I getting a bit paranoid?

Actually, I'm referring to I guess what would be called 'water pistol assassins' which is apparently becoming very popular in cities in the UK and USA - I presume also in different parts of the Western world as well. There's an article on the BBC website that explains it (or at least, explains it to those who can understand the attraction, regardless of whether it attracts them or not).

It's not a new concept to me. It used to be played around my university, although unless you knew the Assassins society existed you probably wouldn't have noticed. I didn't play, but I probably got the record for the 'innocent' that was killed the most times in my first undergraduate year. Practically every time I went to visit my friend, who lived in another part of my college and DID play, I set off some sort of trap meant for her, whether it was jam on the door (masquerading as poison), or a box sitting in front of her door (bomb). I was like a canary in a mine, squeaking (I can't sing) as I set off all the traps before their intended target. It did explain why I had seen a strange guy lurking around her part of college (it was a women's only college, which must have made life more difficult for the male assassins) - later on I got to see him a few more times; usually the back of him as he scuttled off when I opened her door and walked right into yet another trap. Once it was a talcum powder bomb, which I was less amused about. He was certainly tenacious, I give him that, and almost certainly frustrated by my unintentional suicidal tendencies.

Don't ask me why they do it. As to myself, I liked going to and from lectures without being attacked (at least I knew I would only be killed when I was in the proximity of my friend). I'm glad that their rules didn't mean you had to be killed by a water pistol though - otherwise I would have had to visit her with a towel, just in case.

Rats waz 'ere

Haha I saw this and just thought I'd share it with you. I had rats in my attic a few months ago, right above my bedroom ceiling - or at least, I think they were rats. They made so much noise they could have been badgers, except I think a badger shinnying its way up my drainpipe would have been quite noticeable. I've now got one of those electronic ultrasonic rat repellent machines myself - I don't know if it truly works, but I didn't hear any more scrabbling noises above my head at night after I plugged it in. I've actually taken it out now because, yes, it is sooo NOT inaudible to the human ear. Hopefully the rats will stay outdoors now that it's warm outside. I'll plug it back in in the autumn.

The comic strip was from Shrubmonkeys, a comic strip drawn by an animator called Katie Shanahan. It's great fun and she draws amazing facial expressions. Add the site to your procrastination list!

mashimaro mp3 player

I've just taken a peek at the mashimaro website (when I should be working, shame on me) and fallen in love with the Mashimaro MP3 player - 귀여워! (translation: kawaii ne!) I don't know how to get hold of it in the UK though so I may have to call upon overseas friends to get it if I do want one. Sonyway appears to have it, but it ships in China only, and unfortunately Yesasia don't stock it.

Apparently, mashimaro has been described as the rabbit version of Hello Kitty.... I'm pretty sure mashimaro is a lot more violent and ruder than Hello Kitty is supposed to be. If you don't know what I mean, watch the animations on the mashimaro website (don't worry, still PG, or at the very least, not more than 12A)

Tip: there's a pink box in the top right corner of the webpage that links to the english version, if you don't read hangul

How to prepare a pineapple

Pineapples are really cheap at the moment ^_^!!

First, take your pineapple and slice the top off.
If your knife gets stuck halfway through the cut, wipe it, sharpen it, and try again.

Slice off the 'tail' at the other end, making sure you remove any off-coloured parts. Sit the pineapple up on the cut tail end, and cut the skin off in strips from top to bottom. Like so -

Keep going until you've gone round the whole thing. Go back and make sure the green parts and most of the brown 'indents' in the skin have been removed. Don't be stingy! The green-white parts are a bit drier and generally not very sweet anyway.

If you find your tongue or lips are a bit sensitive to the enzymes in the pineapple, you can soak the pieces in mildly salty water for a couple of hours in the fridge. This inactivates some of the enzymes. Just rinse before you eat. I like to eat mine chilled, but allowing the pieces to warm up slightly makes the pineapple taste sweeter.

And this is how a pineapple grows from its parent plant (if you don't live in tropical climes, there's one growing in Cambridge Botanic Gardens (UK)

女人要的.....

......其實就這麼簡單而已

Going about London III - churches

The best known church in London city is probably St Paul's Cathedral, but some of the other churches are notable, if only because they have such great names.
This is one of my favourites (above). Other churches in London that have particularly memorable names include;
St Botolph-without-Bishopsgate
St Dunstan-in-the-East
St Dunstan-in-the-West
St Sepulchre-without-Newgate

and of course
Our Lady of Perpetual Help

Going about London II - Chocolate festival

One of my reasons for going to London at the weekend was to go to the Chocolate Festival at the Southbank Centre.

I went around 11.30am on Sunday, so it wasn't as busy as it was a bit later.I like chocolate, but I have little preference between 'cheap' chocolate and the more expensive 'single variety' chocolate. For example, one of my favourite chocolate bars is Sainsbury's Fairtrade chocolate at £1.29 for a 100 g bar. Not the cheapEST, but definitely very affordable.

But how could I resist such a large selection of chocolate and chocolate products?

I didn't buy much, but I tasted quite a lot of chocolate.

Thankfully, there was no American or Hong Kong chocolate (for some reason, my family have started bringing me chocolate from Korea, Japan and Hong Kong, despite my relative proximity to BELGIAN, SWISS and FRENCH chocolate.....)

Anyone wanting samples of the Far East Asian chocolates from my growing and never-diminishing stock need only ask and I will be very happy to off-load it!

Going about london I

Here are some random shots taken whilst I was in London this weekend that I would like to share with you.

'Road block'

Permanent 'additions' to the London skyline

''Mustard, mayonnaise or 'something else' on your sandwich, Sir?''

mimosa

I've been growing some mimosa seedlings (you might know it as 'shy grass') on my desk for a while now, and the new pinnate leaves have unfurled. I spend a few minutes of each day tormenting the poor leaflets, making them fold up by poking them. It's said that this is a defence mechanism, to hide the leaves from herbivores and generally making them less accessible for munching. I'm not sure if this is the real evolutionary reason, but if I were a sheep, I would definitely be a little taken aback if my lunch started to curl up before I took a bite. At least the birds won't mistake the moving leaves for lunch - worms and caterpillars of such a lucid green tend to be poisonous.

Valentine's day (certificate 12A)

If you're under 11 you won't be able to cope with the rejection so you're not allowed to give anyone a Valentine's day card. If you're over 11 you're ok.
(see http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/somerset/8510091.stm)

Maybe the headmaster was rejected when he was little and emotionally scarred for life? I remember in primary school that the girls in my class would have been horrified (or pretended to be horrified) by the idea of having a 'boyfriend' (boys? eurgh!).

Does that mean the children won't be told to make Valentine's Day cards for their mothers and fathers any more? Is that now too Freudian?

My response

Answers to the previous post....

1. Unfortunately my toilet seat doesn't stay up. So mind you don't get a rather severe circumcision.

1. Watching sports on tv does not count as being sporty.

1. Try carrying all these bags in these heels and then tell me it's not a sport.

1. Don't do anything that might make me cry then.

1. If I ask for what I want, are you going to pay for it?

1. Don't phone me when you get man flu then.

1. Have you ever wondered why I only get a headache in bed?

1. Here's the deal - YOU wear the Victoria Secrets get-up for a day, and THEN I'll consider it.


If you like to camp, how about camping in the garden for a week?

what men wish to say

I was browsing through my old emails, as I often do when I'm avoiding work, and came across this. It made me laugh, so hopefully it'll make you smile too.

Apparently, these are all numbered "1" on purpose.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one..

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Gundam

Is it really that strange that I like to have Gundam models instead of Hello Kitty or Sailor moon? I like the building part, and the end product looks cool as well. At least, I think so.

Anyway, my Gundam models are finally out of their box and starting to squabble over squatters' rights on my table. A good sign that I'm starting to settle into this flat.

Gardening tips - garden vs bathroom?

'Mary, mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?'

I'm pretty sure this rhyme doesn't end in 'by giving it my pee when I go' but that's what they recommend at Wimpole Farm in Cambridge. It makes sense, but perhaps if your garden is right by the main road you should consider using a different type of fertiliser?

Nightclub research

In case you don't read either the Daily Mail or The Great Beyond, the Nature journal blog, a 'scientific' paper on 'Evidence to suggest that nightclubs function as human sexual display grounds' has recently been published. I kid you not. Their findings suggest that males are supposed to approach females in nightclubs, rather than vice versa, while females dress provocatively to attract said males. And here I was thinking that girls dress (and I use the term loosely here) in skimpy miniskirts and boobtubes for the good of their health. For example, to increase blood circulation, in a 'kill or cure' manner.

Although I dress rather conservatively, i.e. normal-fitting t-shirt and jeans, on the few occasions that I go to a nightclub, I always seem to get dodgy-looking men trying to dance with me. Thus I normally go with (rather less dodgy-looking) male friends who can be relied on to rescue me from these unwanted attentions. I guess the dodgy ones are the ones who have been rejected by the better, or more 'sexually-suggestive',-looking women.

Anyway, if you want to follow the discussion on the Nature blog page, which promises to be extremely entertaining, here's the link.

To wed or not to wed?

Relationship-wise, it almost feels as if an ultimation’s been delivered to a subset of my nearest and dearest. There have been an avalanche of engagement notices and ‘save the date’ messages. The wedding invite count for next year currently stands at 6, although there seems to be a bit of uncertainty about the dates. It seems that weddings are now planned over a year in advance, probably to give you enough time to change your mind. If you want to get married the year after you become engaged, it appears that you need to be good at ringing people up and wrangling a hotel/cook/priest that can host/cater/officiate at your wedding.

There have also been a few new arrivals amongst my family and close friends, who have definitely stolen my heart and brought me over to the type of person who can sit patiently looking a little baby for ages on end (But I’m not having one myself yet – I still prefer babies that can be given back to mummy when they get cranky). I’ve also taken to browsing the baby clothes and toys sections in shops. As I know quite a few of my cousins have been doing the same, these must be the best dressed babies ever.

Some friends have swung the other way completely – relationships that appeared to be rock-solid from the outside have broken up, in a rather sudden way over the last few weeks. Some of the friends from whom I might have expected wedding notices have instead just broken up. You can never tell though, from outside a relationship, what is really going on inside. Hell, you can be in a relationship and still not have any idea what will happen next, or what the other person really thinks. It would be a lot easier if we could sit down and review relationships every few months, with a printed agenda so that important matters aren’t forgotten in any shouting matches that might ensue. Something like;

1. Apologies for absence of (him)/(her) from family dinner/wedding/funeral
2. How well and how far relationship has progressed since the last review.
3. Aims for the next 6 months – next step? (move toothbrush/clothes to his/her flat; co-habit; get engaged; marry; have baby(s); break up; leave for another man/women/other) – delete as appropriate.
4. Her complaints and views
5. His complaints and views (ordering of items 4 and 5 to be determined by drawing straws/volume of voice/ability to cry/power of fist)
6. Brainstorming of ideas to deal with issues brought up in items 4 and 5.
7. Summary and conclusions
8. Date of next meeting (if appropriate)

Note: Participants should come re-enforced with chocolate/alcohol/tissues/blunt weapons as needed. Also, if aim for next 6 months is to leave for another organism, it is probably best to end the meeting then and re-adjourn at a later date.

It isn't very romantic and there will still be lying, but anything that might ease the course of 'true love'?

confused

'meow' said Allan
'woof' said Daniel
I wonder if being in the lion dance troupe has seriously affected their sense of identity
'sigh' says Sam

Reminds me of another confused animal I saw lately.... Daniel and Allan would like this.