silver linings

These last few weeks have been rather rough. Apart from everything else, I've been disappointed and saddened by some of my friends.

But despite that, or maybe because of it, I've come to realise that sometimes old cliches are true, and that there often really is a silver lining if you look hard enough. I've found out how many faithful friends I also have, those who have rallied to my defence and listened patiently to my long-winded rants. Somehow, when I see someone become angrier and more defensive than I am myself on my behalf, I feel better for their concern. A pushover I may be, but I am a much-loved pushover. ^_^

It's true that it is only in the face of adversity that you learn who your true friends are. Sometimes they are close confidantes, but you can also be surprised at how many friends you have amongst those you thought were 'only' acquaintances and colleagues.

When strangers rally to the aid of those affected by natural disasters, or work together to rebuild lives, of course we wish that the clouds were not there in the first place, but the silver lining shines out clear and true. How lucky it was that hope was left in Pandora's box. If we weather the storm, maybe there will be clear skies waiting for us on the other side. In the meantime, at least we know we have friends and kind-hearted souls to keep us company.

just a ramble

Currently one of my favourite songs is 'When you believe', the most common version of which is sung by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston. Both women have amazing voices and this song is powerful enough to show off their abilities.

People ask me what language I dream in. I don't really know, I don't remember words in my dreams, only emotions. My dreams may have dialogue, but the meaning to the words appear, without my registering what format the words first came in. Maybe there's no need for speech when everything is occuring in your brain.

But when I try to explain emotions or express feelings out loud, I tend to revert to chinese. I can get frustrated trying to find the right words and phrases in English, whilst in cantonese the words for the exact feeling may just be sitting there. However, when it comes to scientific ideas and trying to analyse issues, I can struggle to find the correct chinese words and jump to English. It can be difficult for people to keep up with my thoughts when I switch back and forth between languages.

In the same way, when I wish to hear a song that can describe how I'm feeling in words, I often listen to chinese songs. I can usually find a song where the lyrics appear to be written specifically for the emotional situation I'm in. But the songs that move me most are usually sung in english. The emotions some english songs stir in me are more abstract, less due to a specific event or occurance, just a reaction to the emotions I hear in the voices.

I've found that I tend towards the visual arts. I like to sketch and paint, and to wander around galleries looking at paintings and itching to touch sculptures. I have very little musical ability and don't really know how to appreciate music, other than by instinct. When I listen to music, music without words, then I imagine dancers moving to the music, the story and emotions behind a dance choreographed for that music. Or I might imagine a seascape or verdant countryside, if that's the image the music conjures up in me. Or the notes as colours curling and undulating (now that's an onomatopoeic word!). How amazing it would be to be able to paint a song. But would that pin down the emotion and trap the feelings into a fixed form? Maybe it's best to let each person imagine the shape of a tune for themselves.

epMotion

A colleague of mine forwarded me a link to an advert from the company Eppendorf (they make lab equipment for biological work). It feels a bit unreal watching an advert of this kind for a lab supplier company, but it 's fun to watch all the same. But very very cringe-worthy.

http://www.eppendorf.com/int/hawkpopup.php?contentid=13

What really made me laugh was the fact that you can actually download the music for the advert as a ringtone, and there are wallpaper images. The lyrics have also been typed out further down the webpage, presumably so you can sing along with them. Hmm it gives a good indication of what people think a research scientist is like - very very sad.

Though that doesn't mean it's not true. Given that this advert was forwarded from Jenny to Fi to Ant (all post-docs) to me, and I've now forwarded it to the rest of my lab... obviously we have nothing better to do with our time :P

Candia

Earlier today, I saw an online advertisement for Candia milk and unfortunately the first thing that popped into my mind was Candida yeast. Hmm... either I have a weird mind, or this isn't a very well-named product. Out of curiosity, I randomly decided to do a Google search for Candia and see what came up.

I was a little surprised to find that not only was there a Candia Milk, UK, company, but Wikipedia also says that there are French and Italian milk manufacturers also called Candia. In addition, it is also the old Venetian name for both the island of Crete and its capital city. So maybe it's not such an unfortunate name after all.

In any case, it's not as unfortunate as Lesbos Island. I wonder, did one of the biologists or sociologists who worked on sexuality studies have something against Greek islands?

weighed down by family ties

These last few weeks have been even more busy than usual for me. My experimental load is increasing all the time, especially since I'm now moving into my last few months in the lab. I don't imagine that I'll be able to do all the loose ends up in time, but at the very least I'm trying to identify which are the structural threads of my project and finish the framework for a model. Add to that presentations that need writing, and experiments that have to jump the priority list queue for impending papers. Add to that lots of lion-dancing again, moving house, and various weddings and celebrations that need to be slotted into my schedule.

So I'm very thankful that my friends and family have been so understanding about the way I've been neglecting them lately. It's been several weeks since I've rung my parents in Hong Kong. Every two weeks my poor mother gets three lines of e-mail telling her that her only daughter is too busy to ring her and that she'll try and do it NEXT weekend instead. Having said that, my parents were supposed to come back to the UK at the end of July. They're now contemplating a holiday to Korea and so may not be back til the end of August. Suddenly I've become our family's 'official representative', as my brother puts it, at various family weddings this summer.

But when you're working to deadlines and have a long list of things to do, it's a massive relief not to have to worry about other people as well. In that respect, I feel very very lucky. Last weekend, one of my friends came very close to breaking down. She's also a final-year PhD student with similar deadlines to mine to meet, so I know how stressful the workload is. But in addition, at the moment her mother and family are going through a rough time and she's holding her mother together both financially and emotionally. She and I both want to continue in academia, but whereas I have the freedom to look for a research job in the country of my choice, she will be unable to do that. She can't afford the uncertainty of being on a three-year contract with no guarantee of a job after that, especially with the low salaries that post-doctoral researchers get. But whilst she's holding her mother together, who's holding HER together?

Over the last few years, several of my friends have essentially had to give up their freedom and independence either to look after their families or in deference to family pressure, or both. It makes me very sad to see them have to put their dreams and hopes on hold, maybe giving them up completely. Perhaps that's why I've become increasingly impatient and less sympathetic with friends who have drifted along for a long time, with no apparent pressing commitments. Although I understand how easy it is to lose direction, I find it hard to offer as much support and sympathy as they seem to ask of me.

Oddly, or so it seems, the friends who are most supportive and considerate to me are those who have the most on their plate. Or maybe it just feels that way. But I'm very thankful that I don't have to feel weighed down by my responsibilities anymore, as they've been lifted off me one by one over the past year. In fact, I feel obliged to spread my wings and aim as high as I can, because there's nothing stopping me from trying. Maybe that is also a burden, but at the moment it's a very light pack to carry.

Round 2: Democrats vs Republicans

So the Democratic Party have finally got their presidental election candidate, and Clinton is finally out of the race. They took their time about it! Now the Democratic party can start concentrating on the general elections instead of fighting it out between themselves.

I'm curious as to how supporters of Hillary Clinton will vote in the autumn. How much damage have the Democratic campaigns done to voters' confidence in their party and/or their confidence in Obama? Whilst Clinton and Obama have been 'battling it out', the Republicans have had the advantage of campaigning as an unified force, and preparing themselves. Whist the Democratic candidates have been telling people why NOT to vote for their opponent and casting doubts onto the other's ability to govern, McCain has been telling them why he will make a good President.

Over the last few decades, the issues that people and governments have had to worry about have been of an increasingly global scale. Gone are the days when 'strong' countries ignored everyone else and felt secure in their own insular environment. For one thing, it is less clear which are the 'strong' countries and which are the 'weak'. The balances of power are more evenly distributed now. People are in general also more aware of what is going on in the wider world, and more concerned. Global warming, substainable resources, epidemics, world poverty, terrorism, these are being flagged up more and more.

In times like these, it's hard to say which way the scales will tip for Obama. He's young, has idealistic views, and can be said to represent a new direction for America. Things are changing in the world and as such, flexibility and a fresh outlook can be a major advantage. On the other hand, in times of change, people also look for stability and experience. Will Obama be able to convince people that he has the necessary strength and leadership skills?

The next few months will show us how well the Democratic party can work together and forget their differences as they support their chosen leader. Otherwise, it's hello to another four years of a Republican US government.