just a ramble

Currently one of my favourite songs is 'When you believe', the most common version of which is sung by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston. Both women have amazing voices and this song is powerful enough to show off their abilities.

People ask me what language I dream in. I don't really know, I don't remember words in my dreams, only emotions. My dreams may have dialogue, but the meaning to the words appear, without my registering what format the words first came in. Maybe there's no need for speech when everything is occuring in your brain.

But when I try to explain emotions or express feelings out loud, I tend to revert to chinese. I can get frustrated trying to find the right words and phrases in English, whilst in cantonese the words for the exact feeling may just be sitting there. However, when it comes to scientific ideas and trying to analyse issues, I can struggle to find the correct chinese words and jump to English. It can be difficult for people to keep up with my thoughts when I switch back and forth between languages.

In the same way, when I wish to hear a song that can describe how I'm feeling in words, I often listen to chinese songs. I can usually find a song where the lyrics appear to be written specifically for the emotional situation I'm in. But the songs that move me most are usually sung in english. The emotions some english songs stir in me are more abstract, less due to a specific event or occurance, just a reaction to the emotions I hear in the voices.

I've found that I tend towards the visual arts. I like to sketch and paint, and to wander around galleries looking at paintings and itching to touch sculptures. I have very little musical ability and don't really know how to appreciate music, other than by instinct. When I listen to music, music without words, then I imagine dancers moving to the music, the story and emotions behind a dance choreographed for that music. Or I might imagine a seascape or verdant countryside, if that's the image the music conjures up in me. Or the notes as colours curling and undulating (now that's an onomatopoeic word!). How amazing it would be to be able to paint a song. But would that pin down the emotion and trap the feelings into a fixed form? Maybe it's best to let each person imagine the shape of a tune for themselves.